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Merry Halloween
Writing "Toph, is that supposed to be a face?" Katara was trying her best not to laugh. Team Avatar was gathered in the kitchen of their Ba Sing Se household, preparing decorations for that night- Halloween. "Well, maybe you shouldn't let the blind girl carve out the jack-o-lantern!" snapped a visibly irritated Toph. Aang scratched his head. "Good point, but that's still the ugliest thing I've ever seen." "Hey it looks like Suki!" noted Sokka. "Hey!" Suki crossed her arms angrily. "I've had enough of this 'Gang up on Suki' party!" "Shut up Suki," moaned everyone simultaneously. The Kyoshi warrior began to protest, but Katara decided to end the bickering. "Alright guys, our guests are going to get here any minute. Is everything ready?" "That depends," started Sokka, "Have you and Suki made our sammiches yet?" Toph nodded. "Yeah foo! Where my sammich at?" "See!" exclaimed Suki. "You guys are sexist pigs!" "Speaking of pigs," muttered Aang gesturing at Suki's figure. Katar shook her head. "We aren't having sammiches, we're having a roast duck-tukey-ham-platypus-tiger-gorillia-human-bear." "Wait what was that last part?" asked Aang, "Bear?" "No, before that." "Gorilla?" "Never mind…" Suddenly, the doorbell rang, and Katara went to answer. She swung the door open to reveal the clearly intoxicated Iroh and Pakku, swaying back and forth and burping. They stumbled iside, laughing. Iroh stared Suki down and chuckled. "Wow Suki, that is one scary mask you have on! Oh wait, that's just YO FACE!" Pakku let out a hearty laugh and joined in. "Yeah! No one even likes you! You're everyone's least favorite character! You fat cow! Has Sokka branded you yet?" The girl was astonished by the men's rudeness. "Sokka, say something!" "What?" asked her boyfriend. "It's not like what they're saying isn't true…" Suki was saved from further embarrassment when the doorbell rang once more, this time by Fire Lord Zuko, who was joined by Mai. Behind them was Ty Lee, wearing red devil horns and a revealing red costume that would suffocate her if it was any tighter. It was all topped off by her pointed devil tail. Sokka couldn't say anything- he was too busy salivating over Ty Lee's appearance. Iroh turned to Pakku. "Hey, who ordered the hooker?" Zuko scoffed. "That isn't nice, Uncle. You have no idea how much time we spent at the party store watching Ty Lee pick out her costume. In Zuko's flashback, he and Mai stood helplessly as their friend Ty Lee rummaged through a wide array of Halloween costumes, all to a catchy, electric beat. "Costumes… costumes… costumes… Oh my God! Costumes… Let's get some costumes… let's party. This costume rules," she declared. "This one sucks. This one rules. This one SUCKS!" She then walked over to the devil costume hanging up on a rack, and gawked at the price tag. "This costume's 300 dollars… this costume's 300 dollars… this costume's 300 f**king dollars… Let's get it!" The room was silent when Zuko finished telling the story, amazed that Ty Lee had finally become Kelly from the "Shoes" video. "Anyway," said Mai trying to change the subject. "Zuko and I finally broke down and got a puppy!" "Awww that's so cute!" cried Katara. Zuko was confused. "How can it be cute? You haven't even seen it yet…" "Oh, well I guess I just thought-" "Yeah, well you were wrong and you should feel bad." "Oh." Katara was a bit hurt. "So, where is this dog anyway?" Zuko and Mai turned to each other and gasped. "Oh you know what?" said Zuko as he slapped his forehead. "We must have left him strapped to the roof of our car. I'll go get him." The Fire Lord went outside and Katara invited the whole group to come into their family room to watch T.V. for a bit. "Ah, finally a good sofa that doesn't have barf on it!" Iroh couldn't be happier as he collapsed in a soft, reclining chair. He snatched the remote control on the table next to him and turned on the television. "We now return to Comedy Central Presents: Stand-up Amon!" The camera zoomed in on a figure in brown robes with a creepy mask instead of a face. "So I was at a McDonald's right here in Republic City the other day and the lady asked me if I wanted a straw. I said 'Sure, as long as it's not a bendy straw!'" Nobody in the audience laughed, and the only response was a man's cough. "Ahem, because bendy straws bend and I… so anyway uhh I'm like 'You must not know who I am' and she says 'No, but Amon to you!'" Once gain, the joke was met with zero applause. Static… A short man with a receding hairline named Councilman Akin was speaking with a reporter who asked him "Why do you think Aang never took Azula's bending?" In reply, the man said "Oh I bet he tried. What I understand from healers is that, in legitimate Energybending, the female body as a way to shut the whole thing down." Static… The next channel was broadcasting a live WNBA game. Pakku was not impressed. "That's a weird looking kitchen." Static… A man with long brown hair, a beautiful mustache, and a thick European accent spoke. "Are you tired of looking spooky when it's not Halloween? Do people say that you look oogly? Then by my product. By Haru." Mai smiled. "Haru did wonders for my hair." Zoku shook his head. "Yeah but he's totally gay." "What makes you say that?" asked Toph. The Fire Lord scoffed in amazement. "Are you blind?" Suddenly, the room got very quiet. "Not cool, Zuko," said Katara. "Not cool." Static.. "Folks, here at the Cardinals/Braves game we're still trying to find out why the Umpire called that an infield fly, and why he called it about 10 seconds late. Okay now- I don't- so now they're reviewing the play in their big ump meeting… okay… the ump just walked over to the baseline between third base and home. He's looking into the sky, folks. Okay now he appears to be writing something in the air… Apparently the sign for 'protest' is to writing the word protest into the sky with your finger. Okay now they're breaking out index cards… the coaches are writing on index cards… Trash continues to be thrown on the field. Aaaand they're going to continue like nothing ever happened." Static… Slow, dramatic music played as a sad man in a chair spoke into the camera. "Ever since Bain Capital closed my company seven years after Mitt Romney left it, my cat died, and my house caught on fire. I don't think Mr. Romney understands the consequences of his former company's actions." "The organization that may or may not be taking direct orders from President Obama is responsible for the content of this advertising." The room was puzzled by the incredible lack of reason in the message they just saw. "Jar-Jar Binks was less annoying than that ad," commented Toph. Suki was double confused. "Wait… there's already been three political jokes in this so far. This Halloween special makes less sense than the opening ceremony of the 2012 London Olympics." "No," said Iroh as he shook his head. "Nothing can make less sense than that. Damn Brits…" "NOOOOOOO!!!!" Without warning, Aang, entered the Avatar state and soared upwards in rage, busting though his ceiling. "Aang! What's wrong?" called Katara. Sokka approached the Mac computer that Aang was on and shook his head. "Tsk, tsk. It looks like Facebook switched him over to Timeline." Everyone was so distracted by the mess Aang had created that nobody noticed Piandao walk in. "Wassup buddy!" exclaimed Pakku when he saw his pal. "Greetings friend. I am so sorry to hear about Kanna. Are you doing okay?" "Are you kidding? Life's been great now that the wench is gone!" "Oh…" Piandao was taken back by Pakku's response, so he turned to the others. "Hello Toph, Katara, Zuko. Ah Suki, it wouldn't kill you to go for a jog here and there, would it?" Sensing the immediate shift in the mood, Katara interrupted the famed sword master. "Let's eat!" she beckoned. "The roast duck-tukey-ham-platypus-tiger-gorillia-human-bear is ready." "Whoa," said Piandao, stepping back. "What was that second-to-last animal you said?" "Don't worry about it." The Waterbender led the others to a long table decorated with fake cobwebs and spiders, with a spooky chandelier above. Iroh saw another opportunity for a joke. "This is almost as terrifying as Suki's vag-" "Uncle!" barked Zuko, still upset that his new dog had run away and been hit by a truck. The meal was delicious, and everyone kept saying how they loved this one taste that they couldn't recognize. Katara simply smiled and thanked them. "Sorry, but a great cook never reveals her secret ingredient." "So Pakku," started Piandao. "If you don't mind me asking, just how did Kanna pass?" Katara's face turned white. "Why did you just ask that? Why now? Right after I said I wouldn't say the secret ingredient? How did you find out?!?!?" The entire table, minus Toph, gawked at Katara. Her overreaction may have been what spilled the beans. Luckily, the spot-light was taken off her when in walked a figure in white robes and a white hood. Everyone screamed and jumped back. "Yo how'd Goddam Klan member get in here?" asked an astonished Toph. "That ain't cool!" Zuko turend to the girl. "Wait, aren't you blind?" "Shhhh." Judging by everyone's screams, Sokka was impressed with his costume. "I know, it's a pretty scary ghost, isn't it?" Katara got up from her seat to fix his costume, so as to make it actually look like a ghost. "There," she said when she finished. "Now you won't get killed when we go through the bad neighborhoods." That episode just about wrapped up dinner, and the group then set out to collect candy. Toph wore a meat costume inspired by Lady Gaga's, Suki and Katara went for a Disney Princess theme as Snow White and Sleeping Beauty, Sokka had his "ghost" outfit, Aang painted his face red and filled his mouth with whipped cream to be a "zit," and Zuko went as a pothead with an actual cooking pot literally on his head. The first house they visited while Trick-or-Treating was a bit sketchy, and a creepy, elderly man in blue robes and slippers came to the door with a walker. Sokka noticed something odd. "Is that a Snickers in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" Suki was the one who recognized him. "It's the pedophile from Family Guy! And there's his crippled dog!" The man, whose name was Herbert, spoke softly and creepily. "Do any of you kids wanna have some M&M's in my basement?" All at once, the friends let out a thunderous scream and bolted, jumping over fences and shoving old people to the ground. Iroh watched them run with a smile. "Ah, this reminds me of when I was a kid. I used to bounce around on my neighbors' tramp-arline. That was their daughter's name, Arline." Pakku nodded, also recalling the past. "I used to bounce around on a girl who worked at Dairy Queen. We used to play this game where she'd pretend to scream and try to escape." "Sorry I'm late, fellas." An elderly, shirtless, ripped man walked up to Iroh, Pakku, and Piandao. "Bumi! Where have you been?" "I found some great shrooms on the way here. That, and I totaled my car when I hit a huge speed bump on the highway." Piandao gave his friend a quizzical look. "There aren't any speed bumps on the highway…" "Oh," replied Bumi as he whipped out a piece of rock candy. "I guess that explains why it screamed and said something like 'Dear God, please don't hit me.' Oh well." ----- The group arrived at the boring home of the esteemed pro-fighter, "The Boulder." His house lacked any decorations, but the kids decided to give it a try anyway. Sokka went to ring the doorbell, but the person who answered didn't look anything like their muscular old friend. Instead it was his maid. "I so sorry, Mister Boulder no is here." Sokka knew the woman was lying. "But I can see him right through that window doing a dance exercise to Numa Numa." "Nooo, noooo. Mister Boulder no is here." "Well did he leave any candy?" "Noooo. Nooo…" "Not even-" "Nooo… I take your candy." The maid reached into Sokka's sack and retrieved a Hershey bar. "Hey! You can't just-" "Noooo, noooo. I eat in front of you." She proceeded to eat the bar slowly, making sure to express how delicious it was. "I need more lemon pledge," she added. "Wow," remarked Aang. "First Herbert and now Consuela? Omashu Rocks must have been watching Animation Domination when he wrote this." The others nodded in agreement and walked over to the next house. Sokka, however, couldn't get over his devastation. He was sniffling, holding back tears. Suddenly, he heard a sad guitar tune and someone singing. "How could this happen to meeeee? I've made my mistakes, got nowhere to run-" "Can you guys sing somewhere else?" The Water Tribe boy looked down. "I feel like a Broncos fan after they found out Tebow was leaving!" Katara jeered at her brother. "Sokka, in Tebow sucks and you know it. Everyone knows it." "He's good in red zones, OKAY?!?!?!?! He's sooo awesome. Maybe Jesus doesn't like Denver after all…" "Al Gore doesn't like Denver." "Oh thanks Katara! Cuz everyone in the whole freaking world cares what Al Gore thinks!" The Waterbender narrowed her eyes. "Eat your damn candy."